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The early ’90s were pretty damn emo.
If you weren’t walking around in some state of chronic melancholy, you almost didn’t fit in. Not that any of us really felt like we fit in anyway.
Douglas Coupland’s Gen X novels seemed to remind us that we had been born into confusion, uncertainty and a general sense of What the hell are we doing here? Feeling like a misfit was practically part of the uniform. And, for a while, I was absolutely leaning into it.
I had traded in my hair bands for Bush, Pearl Jam, the Afghan Whigs and pretty much anyone else who sounded like they were closer to Seattle or Portland than the East Coast. Flannel? Absolutely. Questioning the meaning of everything? Obviously.
Then Janet Jackson came along and completely changed the mood.
Her 1993 self-titled album, janet., stayed in my CD player for what seemed like months. I was obsessed with everything about it. The music. The videos. The attitude. The choreography. And, yes, Janet's abs. Let’s not pretend we weren't all staring at those too.
This wasn't the same Janet Jackson who had given us Control and Rhythm Nation. She had grown up, thrown open the doors and completely reinvented herself. The music was sexier, funkier and more confident, while still having that unmistakable Janet sound. And somehow, it was exactly what I needed.
Maybe it was the timing. Maybe it was the music. Maybe it was the fact that Janet seemed to have figured out something the rest of us were still struggling with: you didn't have to fit in. You could create your own damn world.
The entire era was so ridiculously well-packaged that it was impossible not to get sucked into it. Even the fashion worked. Yes, I am talking about the flannel shirts. Janet somehow made them look infinitely cooler than the ones the rest of us were wearing.
MTV was still a thing in those days, and Janet's videos were events. The behind-the-scenes footage featuring her dancers made me desperately wish I was one of her "kids." Seriously. Those dancers were awesome. And then came If. That video remains one of my absolute favorites. The song itself was fantastic, but the choreography? Holy hell.
Three-plus decades later, I can still remember pieces of it.
If was released as the second single from janet. and became another massive Janet moment. The video was visually stunning, incredibly sensual, and packed with choreography that seemed almost impossibly precise. It was one of those videos that made you stop whatever you were doing and watch.
Looking back, it's kind of funny to think about how much music could affect your mood back then. There were no playlists customized by an algorithm to tell you what you should be listening to. You bought a CD, put it in the player and lived with it. And I lived with janet for months.
It was the perfect antidote to my early ’90s existential crisis. While everyone else was busy being miserable in flannel, Janet was reminding us that there was nothing wrong with being confident, sexy, ambitious and completely in control of your own identity. Maybe that's why the album still hits differently for me. It wasn't just a great record it was a mood changer.
